gotou masafumi

(no subject)

I traveled places and had wonderful times and I got this photo taken of me with Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer

and it pretty much made my day/month/year.

Interestingly enough California was probably the lowlight of my trip. I don't mean that in a personally offending way to anyone I saw, but it was sort of awkward and uncomfortable and I basically don't feel compelled to go there any time soon really, which is actually pretty nice after 3 years of not living there...

Last night was another Marvelous Cabaret night, and it was slightly fantastic. I sang reasonably well and I'll post the video of it on Facebook eventually. Basically I post everything that is possibly theoretically maybe interesting or important on Facebook and Twitter, and I don't ever go into LJ until I suddenly remember it exists and then frantically try to update on old entries of people I like to stalk.

But, the honest truth is that there aren't so many of you left anymore, and it is quite likely that unlike how things were in the olden days, I probably will miss entries and events and activities and things that happened. And that might bother one or two of you, but it doesn't bother me anymore. I'm older and colder and wiser and I'd rather spend my time cuddling with the beautiful people that are geographically close by. I'll see if I can add the unlocked entries to my RSS Feed but the locked ones will most likely remain unread. Sorry, and good day to you all.
  • Current Music
    Momus - I want you, but I don't need you
gotou masafumi

schools update!

my meeting went awesome! they were way nice to me! they were all like "oh it's okay don't worry you'll be fine" when like, i thought i was supposed to be saying that!!!

so now i am rejuvenated with studious energies. let's hope it means i pass this time. :)
  • Current Mood
    chipper chipper
gotou masafumi

it seems like everyone is in san francisco having a slightly magical time

soon i will go to explain to important people why i did so poorly last semester and why i should get a semester or two to improve my grades and to figure out a Plan.

but i will have to pretend that i am so very motivated when secretly i feel like these are only the first failures in a long list of failures that i haven't gotten to yet.

my friend jonathan said some smart things about the whole thing. he also agreed with me that saying i want to leave will just make it easier for me to give up, but if i don't really want to give up i should stop saying it.

mostly i just talk about it too much.
gotou masafumi

(no subject)

today i:
1. found out i got a lower grade than i expected in a class i put a lot of effort into (and that my boyfriend got a higher grade)
2. found out i got a lower grade than i expected in a class that was really really easy
3. did not take the final i was supposed to take (in israel you get two chances, i skipped the first)
4. found out that if you get a low grade on your first final and retake it, even if your second final is a lower score it's still the score that counts (see #2)
  • Current Mood
    sore sore


In the midst of stressing over passing (or not passing) my classes I've realized that the time has come for me to take my music more seriously. [I was going to write "take my music stuff more seriously", but if I'm going to take it seriously I should probably stop calling it "music stuff". I guess.]

Sunday night Shelly and I played two new songs of mine and even though we could have used more practice it came out awesome enough that a bunch of different people came up to me and asked me if we have shows and things. So, I guess it's about time we tried that.

I need to discuss this with Shelly properly, and obviously it will take a while to get there, but I'd like to touch up all the songs we've sortof kindof tried to work on together in the past, get this supercool drummer girl who once wanted to drum for us, maybe grab one of the many pianists I know, and basically, eventually, I'd like to have some shows.

This is the absolute worst time to try to do this now that I'm studying and I live far away from everything important but I think it will make me happier than anything. I've learned a lot from all my musician friends about the "right way" to do these things and I probably have enough friends in connected places to make it happen the way I want it. I do have a problem with being too harsh on myself and being generally of the flustered sort, but I think the Subkuch Milega Open Mic has raised my self-esteem enough that I might be able to have a real show without freaking out too much.

I'm looking way too far ahead, I know, I'm just so excited. I haven't felt much of anything positive in a while though, so I'm going to keep this excitement going for as long as I can. Wish me luck.
  • Current Music
    Pavement - Spit on a Stranger
gotou masafumi

it is the stress that is tearing my mind and body apart

I've been having awful dreams lately. I wouldn't say they're like nightmares exactly because I think after a nightmare you're supposed to wake up frightened. I wake up disturbed, and mostly very ashamed. Somehow my dreams always involve me doing something horrible to someone I really care about.

Now it's almost 4:30 in the morning and I've had a very strange sort of night that was half special and amazing and half destructive and suffocating. So I'm not too excited about the concept of climbing into bed now, to destroy whatever is left of my Open Mic high, only to discover what my next regrettable dream-crime will be.

When I am with Vitaly the dreams are usually not so bad. But tonight I am in Tel Aviv, and he is in Haifa, and by the time I get there tomorrow we will both be hitting ourselves on the head with large Calculus textbooks (or something equally pathetic.) Where is our time to relax and smile and appreciate all the wonderful things we have?
  • Current Mood
    indescribable indescribable
gotou masafumi


Elections are on Tuesday! And I am still undecided! Shit!

Okay here's the dealio. Israelis are turning fascister and fascister by the day and are voting for dudes like Avigdor Lieberman (he wants to kick out all the Arab-Israelis who already have Israeli citizenship). But Bibi Netanyahu (who has already proven himself to be a crappy prime minister the last time he had the job) is the guy most likely to win the election as of right now. His biggest opposition is Tzipi Livni, chick who is Minister of Foreign Affairs and is head of the Kadima party, which is full of corrupt politicians I don't like.

Now the only real reason it's a close call and Netanyahu isn't winning by a landslide is that super right wing people are so sure he's going to win that they're happily voting for Lieberman and other extremist rightist parties. Whatever coalition government Netanyahu builds is going to be aggressive, more likely to create wars and (my favorite!) humanitarian crises, and push away any possibilities of peace, or of getting Gilad Schalit back (soldier who was kidnapped by Hamas in 2006). The only sure-fire way to stop a right wing government is if Tzipi Livni wins.

So that's where my dilemma comes in. Originally I was going to vote for the Green Movement - Meimad, who pretty much embody every single thing I ever wanted for the state of Israel in terms of social, economic, and religious issues, and that's hard to find in a party. The only problem is that these guys more likely than not aren't going to pass the election threshold. So what do I do? Small parties have surprised everyone in the past, passing the election threshold when nobody expected it, and election polls in Israel do have a tendency to be very bad. But is it a risk I'm willing to take? What's more important, voting for the party I believe in, or voting for the prime minister I want? (Interestingly enough, for a short while the system in Israel did allow for two votes, one for prime minister and one for the party of your choice, but alas, things change.) Should I vote for an entirely different leftist liberal party that will pass the election threshold but won't help Tzipi win? (My least favorite choice.)

Your thoughts, please.
  • Current Music
    Bryan Scary and the Shredding Tears
gotou masafumi


Turns out the comment I posted on Nicholas Kristof's blog (I mentioned this in my last post) was edited and put in the "Comments of the Moment" section of the front page of his blog. I guess he/his people liked it? It makes me pretty happy to know he probably read it.

Also, Jeffrey was the only one to tell me what he thought about what I wrote and the situation. I'd really like to hear what the rest of you guys have to say. Elections are coming up, after all.